Attention adventurers, flashlight-wielders, and yeti-seekers: The 5th Annual Flashlight Yeti Hunt is returning to West Michigan, and it promises to be an exhilarating evening of yeti-tracking excitement! However, we at Squatch Away!® brand Sasquatch Repellent have an important public service announcement: Please, do not bring your Squatch Away!® to this event.
We know what you’re thinking. “But I never leave home without Squatch Away!®—the most trusted name in sasquatch repellents since 1621!” And normally, we’d applaud such vigilance. But the key to a successful yeti hunt is finding the yeti, and we regret to inform you that Squatch Away!® works far too well for this purpose.
Why Bringing Squatch Away!® Could Ruin the Fun
- Unbeatable Efficacy: Squatch Away!® doesn’t just repel bipedal hominoids—it sends them sprinting into the next county. (And yes, yetis fall under this category.) If even one spritz lingers in the air, those yetis won’t stand a chance of being spotted, let alone “captured” for photo ops.
- A Trail of Disappointment: Imagine a group of wide-eyed kids clutching their flashlights, eagerly scanning the darkness for glowing eyes, only to find…nothing. Thanks to your Squatch Away!® preparedness, the yetis will be long gone, hiding in shame behind the nearest mountain.
- Community Enjoyment: This is a community event. Everyone deserves a chance to encounter a yeti. Don’t be the person who takes the thrill out of the hunt.
Save Squatch Away!® for True Emergencies
We understand your devotion to Squatch Away!®, and it’s always a good idea to keep a can handy for hikes, camping trips, or moonlit strolls. After all, the peace of mind that comes from knowing you’re safe from bipedal hominoids that may cause intimidation and chaos under the cover of darkness™ is unmatched. But sometimes, you’ve got to dial back your preparedness for the sake of group fun.
So, this week, tuck your Squatch Away!® safely in your cupboard and let the yetis have their moment. Bring a flashlight, bundle up, and enjoy the thrill of the hunt! And if you get nervous, just remind yourself: it’s West Michigan—how intimidating could these yetis really be?
A Final Note for the Event Organizers
While you may not want people spraying it during the hunt, we humbly suggest stocking Squatch Away!® brand Sasquatch Repellent in your gift shop or as a prize for the lucky yeti-finders. Because after the event is over, it’s better to be safe than squatched.
Happy hunting!
