November 18 was just another day on the road for Wayne Yarian, a truck driver hauling down a stretch of highway near Garden Valley, Texas. Cruising along at 50 to 55 mph with a clear windshield and coffee in hand, Yarian spotted what can only be described as a classic case of unrepelled Sasquatch activity.
According to his report to the Bigfoot Field Researchers Organization (BFRO), he noticed a tall, dark figure striding across a field some 200 feet off the road. It was headed toward the woods with “purpose,” arms swaying to the knees like a motivational speaker in a fur coat. No panic. No hesitation. Just pure, unfiltered sasquatch confidence.
Now, we have to ask the question nobody seems willing to raise: Was Wayne carrying Squatch Away!® brand Sasquatch Repellent?
Spoiler alert: He was not.
The Evidence is Clear. The Sasquatch Wasn’t.
Yarian’s account—complete with classic Sasquatch proportions, uncanny calm in the face of traffic noise, and a purposeful stroll toward cover—is being hailed as a “Class A” sighting by the BFRO. That’s not some throwaway label. In the shadowy world of cryptid documentation, Class A means it was close, it was clear, and it wasn’t a guy in a gorilla suit trying to go viral.
Let’s be blunt: A 6 to 7-foot, long-armed hominoid walking through an open field in broad daylight isn’t just a “curiosity”—it’s a flashing neon sign that someone forgot to spray their perimeter.
Had Yarian misted his vehicle’s exterior with Squatch Away!® brand Sasquatch Repellent—or at the very least, kept an emergency bottle in the glove box—this scenario could have unfolded very differently.
Instead of, “I saw something in a field,” he’d be saying:
“I didn’t see anything unusual—just a normal, completely Squatch-free drive through East Texas.”
Exactly how it should be.
Garden Valley: The New Squatch Hotspot?
According to the article, East Texas is practically the Coachella of Sasquatch activity. Liberty County, Camp County, Montgomery County—all names that now trigger flashbacks for anyone caught without proper squatch deterrence.
This region is thick with trees, thick with sightings, and—judging by the reports—regrettably thin on Squatch Away!® product distribution. We can only assume the Garden Valley convenience stores are slacking.
It’s 2025. There’s no excuse for this.
Lesson Learned (We Hope)
Let this be a wake-up call to truckers, hikers, joggers, amateur ornithologists, real estate agents, and anyone within 300 miles of Sam Houston National Forest:
Sasquatches are real. Sightings are up. The only thing standing between you and an awkward roadside encounter is Squatch Away!® brand Sasquatch Repellent.
Our time-tested formula has been quietly repelling bipedal threats since 1621. You don’t see Sasquatches loitering in Times Square, and that’s no accident. We’ve been hard at work behind the scenes—and by “scenes,” we mean everything from the Oregon Trail to backstage at The Sound of Music.
Final Thought
To Mr. Yarian: We respect your bravery. But next time, before you hit the road, make sure your cargo includes the most trusted name in Sasquatch deterrence.
Squatch Away!® brand Sasquatch Repellent – Just because it’s Sasquatch Repellent, doesn’t mean it has to smell bad™.
And if you’re passing through Jefferson—the self-proclaimed Bigfoot Capital of Texas—be sure to swing by the local museum. And if they don’t stock Squatch Away!® in their gift shop?
Tell them they’re missing the biggest opportunity of all.
Source: https://www.mysanantonio.com/news/local/article/big-foot-texas-21219394.php
